The Edelman Witch Hunt
The verdict arrived; Julian Edelman was found guilty and his suspension was final. The crime? No one actually knows the test results were inconclusive but the suspension was still put forth. Now as Patriots fans, we are used to dealing with some shitty, unclear and pretty ambiguous suspensions;
Ref: ‘Umm.. these balls seem a little deflated’
Goodell: ‘Suspend Brady, it was him, I saw him do it. SUSPEND HIM’
Science: ‘The cold air was 100% a factor for the deflation’
Goodell: ‘Nope. Fake news. It was Brady. SUSPEND HIM.
Sound Familiar? Well, its happened again.
Here at The Hudson Halftime Report, we aren’t scientists – hell the closest we get to science is watching the Big Bang theory after too many Bud Lights – however, we are pretty freaking good at calling out bull crap; so below is a list of crimes that received a lesser suspension that Edelman, we will let you decide whether they are worse than ‘unidentified substances’ and are worth a larger suspension than they received.
First, on the list, we have Pittsburgh QB, Ben Roethlisberger, a bitter rival of the New England Patriots. In 2010 Big Ben received a 6-game suspension for ‘accused sexual assault’ which was then reduced by Goodell to a 4-game break.
Remember kids – accidentally taking an unidentified substance is the same a beating up women kids. Crazy.
Next, on our list, we have the world worst bell-boy Ray Rice who was suspended in 2014 after a video emerged of him knocking his fiancee out, and dragging her unconscious body from the elevator back to his room. Damn, son.
Rice was suspended two games for this act and was back on the field in no time – not so sure about his fiancee’s recovery time, however.
Last, on our list, is everyone’s favourite psychopath Greg Hardy who was suspended for 10 games in 2014 after hospitalising his girlfriend Nicole Holder. Although we believe that players should be banned from football for acts like this, a 10 game suspension seemed to fit with league protocol at the time and we were reasonably content with the sentence. However, after a couple of weeks, Hardy got bored sitting on the sidelines and asked good old Goodell if he could be reinstated, to which Goodell agreed meaning Hardy only served a 4-week suspension for his crimes.
Honestly, the retirement of Goodell may be one of the happiest days of my life and I think I’ll throw a party to which all are invited. We’d love to hear your thoughts on the Edelman suspension and if there are any other ridiculous suspensions you can remember.